“In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they’re still beautiful.” – Alice Walker
I am currently reading ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ by Louise L. Hay, again. It’s one of those books you need to read once, and the second time you read it you need to do all the exercises. And being the proud father of a 10 month old I seem to look at life slightly differently and notice things I didn’t notice in the past. Below is a passage from the book that didn’t have as much meaning to me the first time I read it, (before young Adam arrived).
The Perfection of Babies
How perfect you were when you were a tiny baby. Babies do not have to do anything to become perfect; they already are perfect, and they act as if they know it. They know they are the center of the Universe. They are not afraid to ask for what they want. They freely express their emotions. You know when a baby is angry-in fact, the whole neighbourhood knows. You also know when babies are happy, for their smiles light up a room. They are full of love.
Tiny babies will die if they do not get love. Once we are older, we learn to live without love, but babies will not stand for it. Babies also love every part of their bodies, even their own feces. They have incredible courage.
You were like that. We were all like that. Then we began to listen to adults around us who had learned to be fearful, and we began to deny our own magnificence.
I never believe it when clients try to convince me how terrible they are, or how unlovable they are. My work is to bring them back to the time when they knew how to really love themselves.
-Louise L. Hay
I believe perfection is a relative term. A painter will paint a picture and only display it once he/she believes it is perfect, and someone else will come along and criticize that same painting. So this article will mean different things to different people.
We were all born perfect, or magnificent. And as we got older we were bombarded with all sorts of concepts of how we should behave, what we should and shouldn’t do or say, how we should dress, what we should strive for, etc. And the bombarding still continues today, the media circus continually portrays images of how we should look, what we should eat, etc.
When nobody around you seems to measure up, it’s time to check your yardstick. – Bill Lemley
I am continually amazed at how we are always comparing ourselves to other people, even people we have never met. We are all unique, so why the comparison? Most of us are taught this at a very young age, especially when we are misbehaving. Our parents would say something like, ‘Look at so & so, you don’t see them misbehaving’, or, ‘why can’t you be more like him/her.’ Our parents aren’t to blame for this, it’s just the way things are done these days, but we have the power to change how things are done.
Being a parent I am becoming more and more aware of the immense responsibility I have in determining what type person young Adam will become, and how the things I say and the way I behave will affect his concept of life. I believe the best thing I can do is be an example to him. It’s no good I tell him one thing and do another. Actually, the same applies to anyone who has any form of leadership role; a director, a manager, a teacher, etc. Lead by what we do, not by what we say.
So, by believing in our own magnificence, we can influence those close to us in immensely positive ways. And I don’t mean we should strut around with our chests puffed out and be all arrogant. I mean we should humbly get on with life knowing we were created perfect, and that all those around us were created perfect. And any imperfections we see can be changed, after all, they weren’t there when we were born.
Something else I read, ‘What is a concept but a thought to which it’s maker gives meaning of his own?’ – A Course in Miracles
Our self concepts can be changed at any time we want them to, it’s really just a matter of belief.
So next time you look in the mirror say, ‘I am magnificent!‘, and do this every time you look in the mirror, because YOU are!
I do believe that there is perfection in all of us. The problem for most of us is not being able to see that perfection. A huge issue in preventing us from seeing that perfection is having some warped ideas about what perfection means. Perfection as perfect balance – one is not pure light, but an equal measure of darkness and light. When we can begin to accept that, then we can begin to love ourselves enough to actually see our perfection and the perfection in others, even if it about just recognizing “on the road to perfection” – individuation. Good stuff Brynn.
Thanks Robert, darkness & light? I agree, but I often question why we believe there needs to be darkness for there to be light, and why we need to have both to be balanced.
It’s like saying we need to accept all the bad in the world for there to be good, and vice versa.
Hopefully my new lessons will help me see life from a fresh perspective.
I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, including the comments and am hesitant.. but here goes.
In my opinion, babies are far from perfect. They are the most selfish and egocentric beings on the planet; they can’t help this. Their every need has to be catered for by someone else and must be done so NOW. Babies cannot distinguish between their own self and that of their mother for a surprisingly long time and go through various stages of development in regard to how they relate to the world around them. It’s the teaching at this time that is crucial for the development of a healthy human.
I don’t believe I was born perfect, nor that I am magnificent or perfect now. That would be a crime against who I am now. I am imperfect and a work in progress and as such I have worked and been worked like a piece of clay, since the day I was born. Little has come easily. I will not say I am magnificent, because that for me diminishes the work done and still to do. It is like saying a massive lump of unworked rock is magnificent because there might be a fabulous statue in there once the scupltor gets working. While I love rocks as rocks, (J will tell you now how much I love rocks, lumps of it being strewn all over my house) not every rock will become anything other than a rock.
There is a poem by Gerard Manley Hopkins called Pied Beauty that is worth looking up to sum up my feelings about perfections etc. I have it posted in the first month in my blog archives if you fancy a peep.
Finally, shadow side and ego are quite precise terms from a specific form of psychological thought (Jungian) and are thrown around quite will-he-nill-he. They have very particular meanings that are borne out of long hard work to define. To say one’s shadow side is one’s ego is a nonsense. Every human has (and should have) both shadow and ego. It’s the finding of the equilibrium of these and other elements of the psyche that makes for balance, not the deliberate manipulating of our relationships with work family etc. That’s why I didn’t comment on the balance wheel article, because it puts the cart before the horse. Sure, it will work…for a time… but the unacknowledged psyche will find ways to unbalance that wheel time and time again to draw attention to its plight.
Big hugs to you and your beautiful son and sorry if I have caused offense with my thoughts!
xx
v
No offense taken, we are all entitled to our own opinion, and thanks to blogging we can share our opinions quite freely.
Firstly we need to define what a healthy human is, and that definition will be different for most people, so I’m not going to try.
Why should every human have both shadow and ego?
Viv, I believe you ARE magnificent, and there is nothing you can say that will change that.
Hey Brynn,
I think we were born into this world pure and with no imbedded “memes” or thought viruses from other people. Perfect? I think that is a case of personal perception.
I agree that the media circus and society would like everyone to conform to their version of being perfect, because that means we’d spend money on the products that allegedly helps us achieve this “perfection”
I have spent the majority of my life wearing so many different masks in order to fit in or conform to other people’s ideas of how one should look and behave and at the age of 38 I am learning to be me. For the first time in my life, I am accepting me for who I am..the whole package including the faults and the shadow side. That said I do not blame my parents for who I am and I would not want to exchange my life for someone else’s.
You are right, you do have an immense responsibility as a parent and how Adam’s life will pan out. The fact that you are aware of it, to me, means you are lightyears ahead of most parents.
Adam looks very very happy and I have no doubt that he has a bright future ahead of him and that you will let him grow and learn from his own mistakes.
As I have said before J, we at a similar place in our lives. Starting to accept ourselves for who we are. “faults & shadow side”?, who decided they were “faults” and I believe my shadow side is my ego, pesky thing that it is….:)
Thanks for the vote of confidence.