After much contemplation I have decided to write a bit about how I feel the world sees me. And knowing that every human has the right to their own opinion, a lot of people will have theirs.
When I was younger it was extremely important that people liked me, and because of this I tended to avoid conflict and if I disagreed with someone I didn’t let them know. For this same reason I never really spoke much, for fear of upsetting someone. I tended to sit in the group and listen and only really said anything when asked to. I had a problem meeting new people, I would never know what to say to them or what to talk about. Basically, I was very shy.
Then I was introduced to alcohol.
Suddenly I could cure my shyness with a good few drinks, but this always came at a cost. Being young and irresponsible we like to test our limits, and the more one drinks the more we think we can drink. So it goes without saying, I had a good few hangovers in my youth. I recently found out that because of my shyness I was labelled a snob, and I’m glad I only found this out recently, because if I had found it out back then I would have been devastated. It saddens me a bit that people labelled me without really getting to know me, but we all do it, all the time.
As I grew older I started asking a lot of questions, mainly when I prayed at night. Thankfully a lot of the answers have come to me through the books I read, some are still to be answered. I am still a shy person, I guess that’s just my nature, but I no longer obsess over what other people think of me, and if someone doesn’t like me, well that’s okay, they are entitled to their own opinion. What is important is that I like myself, which doesn’t happen all the time. It’s all part of growing up, which in my opinion never stops.
So, I am now a bit older and I no longer drink to overcome my shyness. I have become more of a social drinker, and every now and then I socialize a bit too much. Yes, I’m still growing up.
I no longer let my shyness concern me, but something else replaced it for a while. I kept asking myself, ‘Where do I fit in?’. For a while I felt so alone, I couldn’t participate in conversations, people started calling me a know-it-all because I tried to share my new-found passion before I really understood it properly. I started to dread socializing and probably would’ve stopped altogether if it hadn’t been for my wife. I really had to change my outlook, which took a while, but I persevered. Every day I’m learning when to speak and when to listen, I slip up a few times, and upset a few people, but I have learnt, you can’t please all the people all the time.
At the end of it all I have realized that the way the world sees me and the way I see myself will never be the same, and if someone has an opinion about me, and they haven’t taken the time and effort to really get to know me, then their opinion doesn’t have much substance.
I consider this article a huge leap forward in my personal development, a few months ago I would never have shared this with anyone. So why not leap with me , and share a bit about yourself here.
Have a great week and keep smiling.
Hi Brynn,
Wanting people to like me and working very hard to get people to like me has been a driving force for most of my life. Disagreeing with other people’s points of view remained in my head or in my journal and like you I became the listener.
I would be lying if I was to say that other people’s opinion of me was of no concern, but it is of much less concern than it used to be. I also understand the feeling of not belonging or fitting in which at times can be difficult to accept but I have come to the point where I refuse to conform just to be accepted.
I really like the honesty with which this was written and I agree that sharing this is a big leap and of everything you have written this is my favourite.
Be well
A fellow once told me that if I were at a pub, I’d be the girl whom the guys would like to approach but never would because I look ‘unapproachable’. High defense shyness, I suppose.
I’m the guy who would look at the girl, but never approach her. Fear of rejection I guess. So we probably would never have met in a pub
Well done then.
I find socialising quite hard because of several things. 1) the banal nature of most conversations 2) being able to sense or actually feel what others are feeling (they have a headache, I get it) and 3) the fact that most social occasions end up bringing out the worst in a lot of people!
I’ve never been shy as such but I find as I get older I really can’t be bothered pretending to have a good time: I’d rather just go home or go somewhere else.
Later this summer I have to go to Hungary for a wedding and I rather dread it. We’ll be sharing a large appartment with a group of other English guests and we know nobody, and will be lucky to get any space to ourselves. I need my own space. Thankfully, the day after the wedding, we’re going to have a few days in Budapest to ourselves before flying home.
Spot on Viv. Why is it that people talk about banal topics? Gone are the days when people spoke about life and shared positive stories. Good luck with the wedding…
Thanks Brynn
It’s not till late August though so I have a whole summer to get through first…
x